


At every turn another decision

by CruelisnotMason



Series: Angsty pre-s5 Catradora fics [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fights, Friendship, Hurt, One Night Stands, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23483023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CruelisnotMason/pseuds/CruelisnotMason
Summary: While everyone else seems to have forgiven her, Adora can’t bring herself to do it. And yet, she somehow has to work with the Alliance and Catra amidst them.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: Angsty pre-s5 Catradora fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782499
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103





	At every turn another decision

The war against Hordak Prime wasn’t over when Adora realized there’s another war she’s fighting. It’s tiring, but more than that, it’s ongoing. She doesn’t know if it will ever end, if she’s completely honest.

Most of all, it’s personal.

There are a thousand ways to explain and shrug off the crimes Hordak or Hordak Prime did, but meanwhile there’s only so much you can explain from your former best friend’s behavior. 

While everyone else seems to have forgiven her, Adora can’t seem to bring herself to do it. And yet, she somehow has to work with the Alliance and Catra amidst them. 

The anger that coils deep in her belly whenever she sees Catra walking amongst the people she deemed her “found family” reminds her of the grudge Adora can’t stop holding. When they have meetings to talk about what to do next and Catra raises her voice, Adora judges every misplaced word, every off tone. Catra never did well with people and even though Adora used to excuse that (or like it, even, because it meant they could be closer instead) every little olive branch feels like the last straw.

Everyone knows that Adora harbors hate for Catra. They just don’t know the whole story.

“She could have left me to die, Adora. We fought the whole time and when it counted, she was the one to protect me. Without her, we could have never fled Hordak Prime’s ship.” 

Glimmer didn’t like Catra more than Adora did, but she knew what it meant to go against her best friend. And how wrong people could be, when they held onto their beliefs with a death grip. Glimmer’s decision cost them everything.

“If you would have listened to me,” Adora says, even though the guilt of her thoughts weigh her down enough already, “we wouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place.”

Glimmer looks at her like she’s been hit in the face. She bites her lower lip, her eyes water. Adora regrets her words already.

When Glimmer speaks, her voice is wobbly. “There’s no time machine, Adora. We can live with the decisions we or others have done and move forward.” 

When Adora doesn’t answer, Glimmer turns to the door. “You don’t have to forgive her,” Glimmer says and the regained strength in her voice makes Adora look up. “But your personal feelings hinders everyone to make the wrong things right. We’re all in one boat. Or ship. She-Ra’s ship.”

Adora wants to answer, but it would turn into another fight, and she’s too tired of fighting. Tired of war. She holds back the turmoil of heat in her body.

“Whatever,” Glimmer says and looks like she’s given up. Adora sees her walk out the door, the queen’s cape fluttering with her movement. For what it’s worth, it’s good to see her being the determined queen that she sometimes thought she couldn’t be.

They are all on She-Ra’s ship, and thankfully, it’s spacey enough for them all to fit. 

But the atmosphere on board the ship is mixed. Currently they’ve all gone into hiding. If Hordak Prime would find them - and he could, anytime - they are doomed. Life could be over for them, day to day. And yet Adora’s thoughts don’t concern the war alone.

At night the princesses sleep in a camp in the pilot room which is the spaciest of them all. They all agreed Adora should get the single storage room so she could rest, because everyone has understood by now that without She-Ra’s full power they are _fucked_.

Adora doesn’t do the room justice, stays up late overthinking their next move or wakes to early and without enough sleep in between. But it’s suffocating being in there alone and sometimes she wished she wouldn’t be too proud to ask to move her own camp into the pilot room so she could sleep with the others.

One night she’s waking from wild dreams where she first fights Hordak, Hordak Prime, then Catra. The scary part is that Catra feels like the strongest of them all. When Adora fights her, she morphs into SheRa, using all her strength to get Catra off her. But Catra is fast and agile, kicks her in the knee so SheRa just topples over. Catra’s always been fast, always able to one up her. The realization dawns on her that she has been ignoring that fact for all her life. Objectively, Catra always was stronger, always more flexible, always a strategic genius. It makes sense that she gives input in the Alliance’s meetings. 

Adora always knew Catra was capable. And yet she always thought she was more suited. It hurts to realize.

“I just want to know why,” Adora sobs and loses her form as SheRa.

When Adora wakes, two eyes stare at her in the dark - one blue, one yellow. She wants to start screaming, but quickly, two furred hands cover her mouth.

“Relax,” Catra’s rough voice says, even though she looks as agitated as Adora feels. “What do you think, that I’m here to kill you?”

Adora looks at her silently. First, because Catra’s hands are still in place. Then, because she also wouldn’t know how to answer the question truthfully.

“Come on, Adora,” Catra says then, and it’s clear that there’s hurt in her eyes. She withdraws her hands and takes a step back.

“Do you really think that conclusion’s off the table after everything you’ve done?” Adora hisses. She rubs a hand against her mouth, now that she’s able to feel it again.

Catra doesn’t answer first, eyes shifting to the side. She takes a deep breath, her body is visibly tensing. “No,” she says and strokes over her left arm with her right. “No, I don’t think so.”

Adora thinks that’s it. Catra will go out and they will continue that game tomorrow. But then Catra sits down at the foot of Adora’s bed, hands fiddling with each other. 

She says something, Adora would have never thought she’d hear from her. 

“Adora. I’m sorry.”

Adora gapes. “I’m still dreaming, right?”

Catra throws her an annoyed look, but it softens quickly again. Adora wonders where short-tempered Catra went, and who replaced her with this person. She’s about to say it, but then decides against it to not throw more oil into the fire.

“You have nothing to say?” Catra asks then. Her catears are flat on her head and she wears a frown. Adora looks at her blankly. 

“What should I say?” she asks.

“Geez, Adora. I don’t know! You’re sorry for leaving? You’re sorry you left me when I had no one else?”

Adora feels it’s unfair and in her mind there’s nothing she could have done better. She couldn’t go back to the Horde when she found out about them. It wasn’t just possible.

“We went through this before,” Adora says. She wants to sound dismissive, but her own words sound angry. “There’s nothing I could have done! You jumped to conclusions.”

“All of the sudden my best friend decided she wouldn’t be with me anymore,” Catra says and hisses. A low growl forms in the back of her throat. “And after you left, I realized that it was always about you! And it always has been!” She groans and jumps up. “Seeing you makes me so, so angry, Adora!”

Adora crawls out of bed, too. She can’t possibly sit still when she’s accused like that. “I’m not the bad person here, Catra,” she says, trying to level her voice since her friends are sleeping outside of the room. “I don’t know why you try to make me one.”

“But you’re not the good one either,” Catra says, voice strangely pleading. As if to make Adora understand something she doesn’t get. “You’ve always done this. You’ve always wanted ignorance more than the truth. And all of the sudden, you wanted that changed!” Catra drops her head. “It’s not fair.”

It’s enough. Adora walks towards her with determined steps. Catra recoils until her back hits the wall of the dark room. Adora’s so close she can feel Catra’s breath against her throat. It’s closer than she’s been for a while now.

She slams her hand next to Catra’s head into the wall. Adora’s fucking furious.

“I don’t care what kind of guilt you want to push on me--”

Catra looks at the hand next to her head, carefully shifts her head to look at Adora’s face. Her desperate look turns furious, too.

“I’ve always been your best friend-” Adora starts but then Catra pushes her away.

“You never were!” Catra shouts. “You never knew what Shadow Weaver _did_ to me. You never asked and yet it was obvious. You never stopped and thought for a moment why they’d _always_ promote you!” Catra punches out every word. Adora’s eyes widen and her mouth falls open. 

“I stopped being jealous,” Catra continues, “stopped trying but you started _agreeing_ with Hordak and Shadow Weaver that I lacked discipline! And then you left me there.” 

“Catra, I-” Adora fumbles for something to say, but nothing comes to her mind. 

“Stick it, Adora!” Catra snarls, but before she can dash off, Adora holds onto her. 

“Leave me alone!” Catra shouts and struggles, but Adora’s grip only gets tighter.

“No,” she says. Catra stops what she’s doing, and stares. 

There are a thousand things Adora could say to make it better. Or to confront her own feelings too. Your best friend pushing you off a cliff or fighting you to death every time you see them isn’t just something one can shrug off. There’s so much left to say.

“You’re not running again,” Adora decides, even though she’s running too. She feels her grip on Catra’s arm tightening, maybe even bruising. But she just can’t let go. She never could, not even when Catra made it very clear she’s done with her.

“What are you-” Catra hisses. Adora doesn’t think when she pushes her up against the wall and starts kissing her.

Catra’s hisses and snarls turn into groans. When Adora wants to break off the kiss - because what the fuck was that - Catra searches her lips feverishly and pulls her close just to feel Adora’s mouth on her again. 

Once Bow described that panic feels like a guy screaming uninterrupted in his head. Adora feels that one, hard. Something screams in her to stop, to not make this any more complicated than it already is. But she’s tired, and it’s been too much. The past month were just too much.

Catra is just as successful at banishing every coherent thought when she pushes Adora back again, but this time, to guide her to the small bed. Adora’s mind is running circles when he feels the mattress against her back and Catra’s thighs straddling her. 

_Don’t_ , something says in Adora’s head when she brushes her hands on Catra’s sides, carefully stroking the delicate, slightly furred skin there. She remembers often wondering what Catra feels like there, but always brushing it off, never looking too deep for what it means.

“Adora,” Catra sighs on top of her. Adora cranes her neck, and Catra’s lips are on her again. With a swift motion, Adora hikes up Catra’s shirt and then her own. They both don’t wear anything under it; the skin on skin contact that follows is ethereal. “Yeah,” Adora whispers feverishly. “Yeah,” she sighs as she kisses Catra harder.

The downfall comes when Catra guides her hand between her legs and lets Adora feel her wetness. Adora throws every reluctance overboard and rolls around so this time, she can push Catra into the cushions.

While Catra gets dressed, Adora silently counts the scratches and hickeys on her body that she’ll need to hide. They don’t talk when Catra brushes her hair back, and Catra doesn’t even look at her. If Adora had to guess, it’s that they are both painfully aware how this shouldn’t have happen. Especially not under those circumstances. 

But what’s done is done. Adora knows she and her friends make mistakes and then have to live with the consequences.

At least Catra’s on their side now; she’s not their enemy anymore. Adora doesn’t want to imagine how that would have gone if this happened earlier.

Catra’s movement breaks Adora out of her thoughts. She watches her stand up and walk to the door. 

“I have a plan for Hordak Prime,” Catra says without turning. “I will tell you and the Alliance later.”

Adora watches Catra’s back, stares at a spot between the shoulder blades. The decisions they made forced them both to grow up. They have to face the mistakes they made one day again. But not now.

“Okay,” Adora says and watches her leave the room.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] At every turn another decision](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983367) by [CruelisnotMason](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CruelisnotMason/pseuds/CruelisnotMason)




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